The ABC of Game of Thrones [ALMOST SPOILERS]

Because we never talk enough about Game of Thrones, here is a very interesting alphabet primer.

hablandoenserie-Pycelle

Cheers Pycelle! Ah no, you’re not in it!

A for Arya Stark: Daughter of Ned Stark, she’s constantly repeating the names of the people she wants to kill to avenge her family, the Bride’s way in Kill Bill.

B for Brienne of Torth: A kind of super badass Joan of Arc that we truly love.

Soon to be in Star Wars!

Soon to be in Star Wars!

C for Cersei Lannister: Regent of the kingdom, Queen of bitches and a certified alcoholic.

D for dick: The kind of gift you REALLY could receive in a box in GoT.

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E for Eddard Stark: The definition of plot twist (watch Psycho from Alfred Hitchcock).

F for Fur: A material you will need to survive in the far North. No PETA in Westeros.

G for George R. R. Martin: A nice bearded guy whose brain gave birth to the source material of Game of ThronesA Song of Ice and Fire, a series of books armed to the teeth. Just like Zeus with Athena.

When Santa Claus doesn’t bring gifts to good kids, he’s busy writing stories of beheading and rape.

When Santa Claus doesn’t bring gifts to good kids, he’s busy writing stories of beheading and rape.

H for Hodor: Hodor? Hodor.

I for Ilyn Payne: One of the names in Arya’s litany (see A). Upon each appearance – as for many characters that we haven’t seen for a while – the viewer asks themselves “who’s that again?” and then feverishly scrolls through Wikipedia after pausing his streaming.

J for Jaime Lannister: …Why did Jaime fall off the swing?

K for Khaleesi: Blonde princess with amazingly imposing eyebrows. Surname given by some people to their child after the success of the TV show because they still don’t understand that her name is Daenerys.

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L for Littlefinger: Baltimore mayoral candidate. Minister of the Economy of the kingdom – VIP brothel tenant – Professional maker of bloody mess.

Everybody has a past.

Everybody has a past.

M for Melisandre: Witch with an unfortunate tendency to try to sleep with people and conceive killer shadows.

N for North(-Dakota): An area where it snows and dicks are being cut off.

O for Oberyn Martell: Living proof (ugh…) of the fact that you shouldn’t try to be a smartass.

P for Podrick: Tyrion’s young squire (see T) and then Brienne’s (see B). The mystery of his astonishing sexual vitality still hasn’t been revealed.

Pod, the bad boy.

Pod, the bad boy.

Q for Qarth: Little seaside town, milestone of the red desert. Warning, presence of ugly magicians that duplicate!

“I love nail art.”

“I love nail art.”

R for R’hllor: Not very cool god whose name evokes a not so subtle clearing of the throat and demands immolation pretty often.

S for Spoilers: Absolute infamy, liable to beheading.

T for Tyrion: Best fantasy dwarf in activity since Gimli, son of Gloin.

U: The missing letter of the Dothraki alphabet. For real.

V for Valar Morghulis: Motto of the show that means “all men must die”. WE GET IT, THANKS.

W for Westeros: Vertical continent where the main part of the plots of the show happens Up North, an ice wall, kind of like Hadrian’s wall, keeps the white walkers away (see Z) ; down South, people spend their time fornicating / plotting against each other / betraying each other. In between, everybody dies (oh well, that actually happens everywhere).

X for Xanos Tongarden: This character doesn’t exist… but he could.

Y for «You know nothing Jon Snow»: Pick-up line of the wildling girl Ygritte.

Z for Zombies made of ice: Local population of the land beyond the Wall, with a passive-aggressive tendency.

XOXO

(Via Series Cheries)

Translated by Leon

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